


Bats and Burgers

by Nirmalneaners



Series: unofficially official [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Bonding, Bruce Has Issues, Bruce doesnt seem to mind, Burgers - Freeform, Choking, Clark has no personal boundries, Family Bonding, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Food, Funny, M/M, Meeting, Mentions of joker - Freeform, batburger, bruce is angry, couple moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 06:41:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15858294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nirmalneaners/pseuds/Nirmalneaners
Summary: "excuse me?"Oh no. oh no. Dick looked across from the menu as a deep murderous scowl took over his features. Damn, he wasn't even blinking at the cashier. When Dick first convinced Clark to get Bruce to go to Batburger, he was too giddy with excitement to think about, well, this. He really wished Big blue would get his ass here."Be nice, Bruce," he warned lightly, pulling at his collar and eyeing the taller man wearily.





	Bats and Burgers

" _excuse me?"_

Oh no. _oh no_. Dick looked across from the menu as a deep murderous scowl took over his features. Damn, he wasn't even _blinking_ at the cashier. When Dick first convinced Clark to get Bruce to go to Batburger, he was too giddy with excitement to think about, well, _this_. He really wished Big blue would get his ass here.  
  
"Be nice, Bruce," he warned lightly, pulling at his collar and eyeing the taller man wearily.  
  
Bruce leaned forward, placing both his hands on the counter with scarily slow movements until the man with a knock-off looking Batman costume shrank back a bit in confusion.  
  
"The joker is a Homicidal Maniac. An agent of pure chaos." he spat, low in a near batman growl that had dick grimacing. _So much for being nice._ "He wants to kill us all just so he can laugh over our graves."

The cashier, Mark scribbled on a small name tag, flicked his eyes to the side and back, and Dick hoped for the love of god he wouldn't. But he did, he repeated the _damn_ question.

"So, uh, you _don't want to_ jokerize your fries?"  
  
He ran his hand down his face with a sigh, this was not the night he imagined.  
  
"I'm here, sorry I'm late!" A voice called, and Dick could have cried with fucking joy. A hand pushed Bruce back from the counter slowly as Clark positioned himself a little between them, and to Dicks surprise he actually let him. "No on the jokerizing, I think he's good. Thank you."  
  
Dick caught Clark's eyes, widening his own as he jerked his head toward Bruce a few times. The man's stare hadn't strayed off Mark, it just intensified into slits and a glare that would have scared the boots of even some of the most formidable villains in Gotham. Clark smiled nervously as he started to gently push him out of the queue, Bruce only breaking his silent look as Clark's body blocked his field of vision.

"Come on Bruce, this way. We are going to go find a table," he shooed him with his hands through the crowd, asking back over his shoulder, "Would you mind bringing the food over?"  
  
"Gladly!" he shouted, and as he looked back to the cashier with an awkward shrug he found he had never meant it more.  
  
Finding the table wasn't the most challenging thing, Clark had picked the most secluded area at the back of the restaurant, and as he approached he couldn't help but wish he changed their order _to go._

"-just a name Bruce."  
  
"Indignified is what it is. Do they have no shame? _I'll sue them_."  
  
" _No!_ Don't do that. Just leave it. You don't want to do anything that will link you to Batman, right?"  
  
"I'll do it anonymously. This is a _sham_."  
  
As soon as Dick was close enough that Clark noticed him, it looked like he nearly jumped up in relief.  
  
"Look, Dicks here, he's got the food. So let's just enjoy our meal, okay?"  
  
He placed both trays down and what he thought was the wisest move he's ever made, decidedly avoided Bruce's side of the Booth entirely. Clark was immediately attacking the boxes as he sat next to him, laying out a burger and fries as the other man's scowl lessened with the offering, although he doubted neither missed his stink eye at the chips.  
  
"I still don't like it. This restaurant is a disgr-"  
  
" _Here_ ," Clark cut in, grabbing a few chips and holding them up to his lips. Dick stared, his jaw hanging open as Bruce merely stared at it untrustingly before opening his mouth and chewing after Clark fed him. "See? they're good! No jokerizing, _no poison_ , just plain old salty chips."  
  
He couldn't quite grasp it, even as he watched the other man swallow and start to bring a cloth out of his suit's inner pocket, that he had just accepted being hand fed. _Fucking hell._ He hadn't even complained, not even a bat of his eyes or a threat. He didn't even complain as Clark opened his box up with the burger before starting on his own food, it was like this was normal. He's pretty sure hand feeing your friends _isn't_ normal, even with how fucked up and weird their lives were.  
  
"So, hows the police work going?"  
  
He looked between them again and shook his head before muttering, "The same as ever, still settling into the whole 'right side of the law', but its a good gig."

"And your... Night shifts?"  
  
"Little rough what with my day commitments going on but isn't all that bad, its certainly a different type of routine I was used to in Gotham that's for sure."  
  
Clark takes a sip of his drink, humming, "I get what you mean, it's hard juggling a full-time job as well as a cape. We don't all have the luxury of deciding when we turn up to work like this one over-"  
  
He opened his own box not noticing Clarks pause. "I can't. Is this really happening?"  
  
Dick looked up, burger in hand mid-bite as he looked to his side. Clark was staring, his eyes almost bugging as he looked across the table at Bruce. "Is that really how you eat a burger?"  
  
He looked over at the knife and fork that was methodically slicing into the bun, all solid silver and shiny. He knew they cost more than all the meals combined, and it took him a moment as he watched a piece be raised to realize that not everyone was used to this disturbing sight. It certainly took him a while.  
  
"You haven't seen that yet?" he asked, leaning back as Clark's confused face turned to look at him.  
  
"This has to be a joke, right?"  
  
"No, no. This is all him." he shook his head, laughing. "Mr _raised-by-the-butler_. It's like a _thing_. Surprised you didn't know since you're always at the manor."  
  
_The poor man,_ Dick thought, amused. He looked honestly distraught at the idea that someone would eat a burger with cutlery as if, the thought, that sight _alone_ was the worst thing he had seen in his life. He should see Bruce eat Pizza, now _that_ was scarring.  
  
"I'm friends with a monster."  
  
Dick chewed around his grin, swallowed and took another bite, "You got that right."  
  
"Bruce, how? How can you eat a burger with cutlery? I thought you had morals?"  
  
"Don't _Mock_ me."  
  
"But how? And how can you still be so messy?"  
  
As Clark wet his thumb, reached his arm across the table and slid it along Bruce's bottom lip to remove some ketchup, Dick couldn't even stop himself as he choked on his burger. _Friends my fucking ass_.  
  
"Are you alright?" Clark patted his back gently as he spluttered. Bruce only gave him a side eye as he chewed.  
  
_That was it,_ he decided, slurping his drink desperately, _they were only meeting in the cave from now on_.

 If he could even survive this meeting, that is.

**Author's Note:**

> I have decided to turn it into a series rather than one big story, its best to try and read it in order as they are all separate parts but connect with each other to create one big plot.
> 
> inspiration from:  
> Batman #16—by Tom King, David Finch, Jordie Bellaire, and John Workman


End file.
